What does it mean for an individual to be burdened by his or her sins – in what sense does an act performed in the past define a person, and why should one care to repent from it?
These questions delve into the core of human nature and morality. In this essay, we will embark on a journey to explore the reasons behind, the methods of, and the profound personal cost exacted by genuine repentance.
Past actions have the power to shape our present identity. While we like to believe that we can cultivate our morals according to our best, current knowledge, the truth is far more intricate. The echoes of our history reverberate within us, even against our will. Our sense of right and wrong, our ambitions, and our motivations are molded by the deeds we have done. Actions can be deadweights on the soul. We are committed to the sins we have committed, for we tend to believe in and defend what we have done, and it becomes challenging to detach ourselves from our transgressions and effect fundamental change. To make an evil person good is not easy.
Evil comes in two distinct forms – one born from our own actions and another that exists externally, regardless of our choices. While we possess the capacity to transcend external evil by understanding its role within the grand tapestry of the universe, our own malevolent actions hold a more insidious power. These actions, nurtured by wicked intentions, inevitably imprint themselves on our identity and corrode the very essence of our souls.
Unlike external evil, which can be seen as a part of a larger cosmic design, our malevolent deeds are often regarded as products of our human agency, tainted by the darkness of our thoughts. Over time, their darkness becomes an integral part of our identity, exerting a relentless influence that seems impossible to escape. The fear of discrediting our old, malevolent selves shackles us to our past misdeeds, making it challenging to transform ourselves into beings of goodness. Our actions mold us in their image and etch their principles into our very being, turning practice into an unyielding principle.
To be a sinner is to become ensnared in a web of one's own evil actions, where the deeds themselves shape a person into a vessel of evil. Sin is a treacherous trap that binds and imprisons the very soul.
Repentance offers a pathway to liberation and provides the means to shield your present self from the tarnish of a wicked past. Consider that evil resides solely within the human psyche, while the universe itself resonates with inherent goodness. Everything that is, should be – the universe is all good. The universe, in its entirety, is inherently good; the crucial factor lies in the perspective we choose to adopt.1
Will we perceive and embrace the goodness, thereby becoming good ourselves, or will we stumble in our comprehension, leading to the perpetuation of evil? The capacity to misunderstand and generate evil is ever-present, leading to actions that ensnare us in a relentless cycle of negativity. This cycle of malevolence persists as our connection to our own misdeeds strengthens.
Nevertheless, this connection between our past actions and our sense of self is not unbreakable. Our sense of agency, our pride in shaping ourselves and our choices, is what binds us even to actions we deeply regret. The solution, though challenging, lies in disowning this agency and dissociating ourselves from the actions we regret. Picture those actions as separate occurrences, akin to acts of divine providence rather than products of personal intent.
This transformation is no simple task; it demands a profound shift in perspective, an almost alien perception of oneself. As we typically perceive ourselves as a sum of all our actions, disavowing a specific action is akin to performing self-surgery.
Once this detachment is achieved, a newfound dispassion allows us to perceive these actions with remarkable clarity. They cease to be solely our own, permitting us to extract lessons from them akin to the wisdom we can glean from the universe itself. Sin metamorphoses into merit. For there is no sin but for in the human mind, just as there is no evil but for in the human mind.
The world is never in sin; only we are, through misunderstanding it.
Thus, by relinquishing our sins to the universe, we transform them into a meritorious part of the eternal and unending good. This transformation fosters learning and growth, allowing us to glean lessons in goodness from these experiences, just as we do from the entirety of reality, even when it may appear tainted by evil.
To embark on this transformative journey, begin by selecting a past mistake as your focal point. Take a moment to acknowledge how that specific action has defined your identity and shaped your self-perception.
Next, approach the process delicately, akin to the precision of a surgeon's touch. Gradually peel this action away from your core sense of self. Spend ample time in self-reflection, observing your former self without passing judgment. Allow a shift in perspective to occur. Regard the action as if it were committed by another individual entirely, rendering the persona influenced by this action as foreign to your being.
Reflect upon the underlying motives that drove that action, now acknowledging their incorrectness. Delve deep into contemplation, pondering the extent of their incorrectness and the unfamiliarity they now hold. Consider these motives as external influences that encroached upon you, contrary to your abiding intentions and intellect.
Finally, release the action, allowing it to return to the universe from whence it emerged. Take leave from it purified and renewed. After some time, consider revisiting your past to explore what you can learn from it. View it as a force of nature or an act of God, much as you contemplate all of being to understand its wisdom.
This is a potent form of repentance. But I must caution you – repudiating the self is not without its perils. You won’t emerge from this process unscathed. Deliberately attenuating the natural sense of agency may render a person passive and meek, less likely to do great and heroic deeds. If your very own self can be disowned and discredited, why care to be great? As Maimonides wrote: “It is the way of penitents to be exceedingly meek and humble.”2 Nonetheless, some of us have no choice but to embrace meekness and humility, forsaking heroism to protect themselves from their past evils. Repentance, like all of life’s greatest goods, comes with a heavy price.
In our next essay on repentance, we will explore an alternate paradigm of rectifying the self – one that allows a person to retain agency of his past actions and remain heroic and great.
Concepts:
Repentance/תשובה
Sources and References:
Talmud, Yoma 86b
For an exploration of this idea, see: What is Good?.
Laws of Repentance, 7:8.
So very much potentially life changing thoughts to ponder and study
As always thought provoking and original